Hello! Thank you for your warm introduction and the brief exposition you included, which allowed me to better recall where our friendship currently stands. I'm sure it helped the folks at home, too. That's right, I know you're reading this. See that fourth wall? I break those for dinner.
Since I will soon be setting out on my epic trek across this fine country of ours, I am currently buried under a pile of my own materialism. This is not a figurative statement. This is literally true. And I mean literally as in actually literally, not literally as in figuratively. I'm talking true, true. Like happening in the real world. (Side note: I wish people would stop abusing that word so I wouldn't have to qualify it so much. It's common courtesy.)
In the interest of building trust between our two blog entries, I've included a photo as evidence (See figure 3.14)
Figure 3.14
Please note the look of terror on my face as the weight of the stuff I have yet to deal with slowly crushes my ribs, a process that will presumably lead to my eventual suffocation. The risk of my imminent demise has proven to be a moderately effective incentive to speed up the packing process.
Side note: Did you know that one of the most popular methods of capital punishment in India and Asia up to the 19th century was via elephant stomping? (See figure 28.38).
Figure 28.38
The things you learn when googling "crushing to death" for a blog entry. Amiright? If there was ever a time and place to be executed, I'm thinking that's it. I mean, I'm sure it hurts and all, but there are worse ways to go. Your heart may be popping like a cherry tomato, but you've got an elephant trunk cradling your leg.
But back to things we care about--
I find that as I prepare to begin my new life at Portland Stage, my greatest anxiety is surrounding having a brand new roommate for the first time in three years. In case you've forgotten, here are the things that make you an exceptional roommate:
1. You have a netflix account.
2. You'll eat anything that I cook for you and act like it's the greatest thing anyone's ever cooked ever.
3. You joke with me over the summer about how we should build a blanket fort in our apartment. You then proceed to bring a stack of sheets adorned with various cartoon characters with you to college.
4. You actually build a blanket fort with me.
5. You care about the things I care about to the degree that I care about them, or at least close enough that we make it work.
You're also a great person or whatever, but I consider the above list to be the important ones. Let's call them the Big Five.
Upon meeting my new roommate I will repost this list with detailed explanations of how exactly she fails at living up to your standard. (Side note: Julianne, if you're reading this, just remember that I wrote it before I met you and I hope by this time you've discovered that my good-natured, humorous insults are just part of my charm. If not, let me know and I'll bake you cookies to make up for it.)
I am so pleased that our places of residence are aurally appealing so that we can be friends again. If any readers are planning to move to Bahrain, Ukraine or Great Britain (and you have some sort of weird accent that causes you to pronounce it with an "ane" sound) then feel free to join in the rhyming fun.
Golden out.
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